"You never even broke anything"

(family who doesn’t live here is visiting)

I just ran into a chair, stubbed my toe and screamed. Yes, things like this happen all of the time (almost every day). I’m extremely clumsy. It’s commonplace for me to wake up, shower and see mystery bruises on my body from places I don’t remember banging into.

My mother says "you did it to yourself" because that makes me feel better. My sister says “you never even broke anything”. I responded but (of course) a minute to late and she had already walked away. (People have been insulting me and walking away for years, since high school. So even when I have the balls/can think of something to say it goes unheard.)

So then I thought about that. No, I never have broken anything. My sister said that because when she was a child-pre-teen age she broke/sprained both arms about 3 times a piece plus other injuries. Why? She was able to try solitary sports/hobbies (roller skating/skate boarding, etc). Maybe she made some dumb moves here and there but GUESS WHAT? She was able to do it.

I was never able to do that stuff. I don’t have the balance (motor skills). Little girls-teens were always invited to roller skating birthday parties in this small town. I could never skate. We even tried going on our own time. (Yes, I had to practice for birthday parties.) Did that help? NO! Most of the time I would just sit and watch others. Otherwise I was the 12/13 year old clutching the edge and going by at a snail’s pace while still almost falling down. Occasionally another girl would offer to "help me". Little did she realize this meant my holding her hand while she basically had to support my body weight the whole way around so that I wouldn’t fall. Once it was particularly bad because it was a very thin friend of mine.

I never could ride a bike without training wheels for more than a foot or 2. My father tried to teach me as a child. Years later I asked why I couldn’t ride a bike and he said that I had quit. Then (junior high age) I said "I won’t quit this time". He got me a new bike and we practiced (a lot). I was still never able to master it.

I enjoy taking walks when it’s nice out. However I still have to watch what I’m doing or I will walk into the person that I’m walking with. A couple of months ago I went drinking at a bar (solo). Of course I had to drink a lot. I did well though. I stayed together, no slurring or falling, etc. I walked home. While walking home I started to walk in a diagonal line. At first I internally chastised myself "Stupid, don’t do that". Then I realized that it was 1:30 in the morning and if anyone saw me in my slut wear they’d assume I was walking home, drunk, from a bar. No need to pretend. I let myself walk sideways and it was freeing.

P.S. I did once sprain my wrist. I used to “play” tennis sometimes (just hit the ball back and forth). Once I talked my mother into going. We were hitting the ball back and forth in a park. She got really into it, hit it extremely high and I jumped up to return. Instead of hitting it I fell down on my wrist. Yeah…

(kickazzkupcakez-thanks, that’s sweet. I can’t figure out how else to respond to you. lol.)

  1. everybodyloveskupcakez said: im sorry youve had such bad luck. and i can kinda relate to this. especially the not being heard part. but i mainly just wanted to let you know that i read all of this and i hear you. if you ever need a friend ill be here.
  2. missemmamm posted this